Every semester, I start off with the same anticipation, excitement and willingness to get back to learning and continuing my education. After all, the degree I’ve worked so hard for is almost in my reach - I can see the finish line.
The beginning of this semester, however, felt intensely different. Instead of the excitement I usually felt to go back to school, I was overwhelmed with anxiety and by the state of the world. I know I’m not the only one.
Usually, about midway through the semester, I feel tired and burned out. I’m typically able to push through and rekindle my sense of motivation at some point, but this time around, it feels almost impossible. My mindset isn’t as steady as it used to be. I feel overwhelmed every day when I wake up and I feel like a hamster running on an endless wheel. I’ve never felt so drained.
I’ve come to realize that this virtual environment we’ve been forced into is not our natural state. Far from it actually. Being on a computer all day isn’t good for the human brain. The typical college experience, you know, shuffling from building to building, pen to paper, in person lecturing we once knew is now a distant memory. I’m becoming more like a robot, feverishly typing away on my laptop and attending one zoom meeting after the other. This is not what I signed up for, nor is it how I envisioned my last year of college.
Staying on track and staying motivated has been really tough for me when it feels like there is so much to be focusing on right now. Like most students, I have a life outside of school. I have personal issues to deal with and bills to pay that require a lot of my time and attention outside of the endless stream of assignments. I know this is what I signed up for, but I can feel the toll that virtual learning is taking on my mental health and my overall energy levels.
The long list of to-dos is overwhelming, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve broken down this semester feeling like a complete failure. I’ve always struggled with anxiety, but not like this. The burnout I feel now is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. With so much doubt and uncertainty in the world, it’s become harder to tune it all out.
The coronavirus, the elections, the social unrest, and the never-ending lockdown are constantly weighing on me. There is no escape from these things. Sometimes I just want to throw my laptop and phone away and never look back. My brain can’t take this much negativity. This feeling of burnout is quite different and my nervous system seriously needs a break from the chaos.
This feeling is not uniquely mine and I know I am not alone in feeling overwhelmed, as in I’m constantly in fight or flight mode. Short bursts of stress are tolerable, but what about feeling this way almost 24 hours a day? It’s enough to drive anyone insane.
The physical effects of stress are becoming more apparent. I clench my jaw when I’m nervous, and with that comes debilitating headaches. My eyes ache from starting at a screen all day, and when all of your assignments are online, it’s impossible to escape the eye strain. Blue light blocking glasses are a must if you have any respect left for your retinas.
It’s easier said than done but checking out of school and the virtual world for periods at a time can also be helpful. I have made it a point to stay off social media as much as possible so that I can recalibrate in the real world. When I work out in the mornings or go for a walk, I’m able to breathe again. Maybe not as deeply as I would like, but it definitely helps. I’m able to focus on something else for a while and it gives me the motivation to jump back into my to-do list.
Another thing I’m still learning to do is say no. It’s typical for students to want to take every opportunity they can in their last year of college because of the impending transition from graduation to a career. We’re all trying to make it in this crazy world, and at times it can be hard to tap into your intuition and say no to something that might send you over the edge.
It’s important to check in with yourself during the times when you feel overwhelmed. Practicing deep breathing and meditation has helped me tremendously when I’m in over my head. You can’t fix all your problems and worries in an instant, so why try? Taking 10 minutes a day to rewire your brain with meditation could be the key to preventing total burnout.
With 4 weeks left, we’re almost there. The world may be heavy right now, but your focus doesn’t have to shift when something out of your control happens. Focus on you, your education, and that end goal. Student burn out can only last so long.
(Story republished from The Bulletin)
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