The Day of Love has become customary in our society, but most of us are unaware of why we partake in this tradition in the first place. Photo by Raven Brown.
My first memories of Valentine’s Day go back to elementary school when I would pass out cards and candy to my classmates. My mom would buy pre-made cards and bags of candy, ensuring I had enough for everyone in my class. There were kids who reserved their cards for a select few, but not me. I wanted to show everyone how important they were to me.
We would decorate little mailboxes with pink and red hearts, leaving them on our desks to receive our rightful treats. Looking back, it’s funny that as children we were expected to shower each other with love and affection on this mysterious holiday. Now I realize we were being taught the value of giving, receiving, and showing our peers that we appreciated their presence.
As an adult, Valentine’s Day is an entirely different holiday with expectations placed on it by social media trends. Every year, we scroll through our feeds and watch as people spill their guts about their partners, declaring to the world that on this particular day, they love them more than all the other days. I’ve been in a committed relationship for five years and I still roll my eyes as I read through their posts.
I can’t lie, I usually post a cute photo of my boyfriend, wanting to prove to the internet that I, too, value my relationship. I wouldn’t want people to get the wrong idea and think I don’t love him! I would be a terrible girlfriend if I didn’t acknowledge how important he is to me, right?
But instead of a long ranting caption, I keep it simple. I don’t have to explain how much this person means to me or list-off the cute things we do together. I reserve the right to keep that between us. Valentine’s Day is much like an anniversary, marking a milestone of sorts between people who love each other, but I don’t need a holiday to remind me to love my significant other.
Relationships are personal. Putting everything out there on the front street for everyone to see isn’t as important to me as having a strong and healthy relationship when no one else is looking. Don’t get me wrong, I like to spend this holiday connecting with my man and getting a nice big whiff of all that fresh love in the air. But to us, it’s just another day.
This year, instead of our usual date night, we made plans to spend time with another couple and put together cards and gift bags for everyone we love so we could multiply the love. Our relationship would be nothing without our support system. Instead of hoarding the good feelings, we wanted to spread it around and remind everyone that this day isn’t just about romantic love.
Much like when we passed out Valentine’s cards to our classmates as children, the act of expressing love to friends and family is just as important, if not more.
Relationships, whether they be romantic or platonic, are built over time and deserve to be celebrated more than just once a year. Feb. 14 shouldn’t be the only day we whip out our bag of tricks, performatively. Chocolate, flowers, fancy dinners and cheesy social media posts are great, don’t get me wrong. But I think love is much bigger than that.
(Story republished from The Bulletin)
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